I think all of us can be a douchebag from time to time, but it takes an innate talent and lots of work to elevate yourself to a Class A level of douchebaggery. A class A douchebag is like the Olympic athlete of douche baggy-ness.

So what does it take to rise to this level?

Combine Sarcasm and Condescension

You can reach douchebag level if either of these traits is put to good use but it takes a surgical application of condescension along with sarcasm to rise to the supreme level of dochebaggery.

Douchebaginomicon

The subtitle doesn’t make sense but I don’t care. It’s my article and I like the sound of it so it must be right.

Which brings us to our second ingredient of dochebaggery – you need to pretend you know everything and you’re always right. No matter how many facts are used or how much evidence is provided by someone else, your opinion is all that matters.

Climb over the bodies

A class A douchebag will stop at nothing to make themselves look good in the eyes of anyone they deem important. They will rat you out at a moment’s notice if they think it will gain them additional power or elevate their status.

Hate those that are weaker than you

Make sure that you whack anyone weaker than you socially or economically at every opportunity - if it’s a minority group, even better. If they’re poor and down on their luck, bring the sarcasm and condescension to the forefront of any dialogue you might have with them. Keep your heel on their neck so they can’t even rise to their knees.

Hypocrite

Make sure you’re as hypocritical as possible. For example, if you constantly spew about how being faithful in marriage is important, feel free to screw around on your own spouse at the first opportunity. Rules and regulations don’t apply to you. As a class A douchebag, your rules only apply to others and never to you. If you’re caught, follow up with using the Douchebaginomicon rule.

Family Ties

A class A Douchebag is never happy unless they are surrounded by drama and pain. They will do anything to achieve this heightened sense of drama, including hurting those who care about them most such as their parents, siblings or close friends.

So there are a few of the qualities you need in order to be a class A douchebag. Those who can master these basic skills and even invent or take advantage of new innovations in douche baggy-ness may even get the dubious honor of entering the Douchebag Hall of Fame.